Holiday blog

Back in Seattle, and we found ourselves missing the islands a lot, and hoping to see Orcas or at least a seal or too whenever we went past any water! To soften the blow, we went down to the Mall, and had a burger at "Jonny Rocket's". They are a chain of 50s style diners, and are definitely a cut above yer average burger joint. The burgers were perfectomundo, and the staff wore little white hats. We were served by the new kid, which is happening a lot. In fact, wherever we go, we seem to get served by someone who smiles sheepishly and says, "I've just started here..." I think it might be conspiracy, but I don't know who could be behind it!

The next day, we head over to Fremont. On the way I reacquainted myself with the troll (yes, he does have his hand on a real VW Beetle!) and we said a quick "howdy" to Comrade Lenin.

Then it was on to a brilliant vintage junk store...

followed by a pavement, I mean sidewalk, coffee. Over to Ballard next, another cool part of town which felt a bit like London in a way, with a Sunday market on a backstreet and loads more shops, ending up at "Cupcake Royale" for, you guessed it, a cupcake. Although we did make the schoolboy/schoolgirl error of having a tea as well, which invariably means hot water with milk and very little tea flavour to speak of. Thank goodness Rosy brought some Yorkshire teabags with her for home consumption! Ahhhh!

Monday, we drive downtown to catch a ferry to Bainbridge Island (not far from Seattle, in fact lots of people live there and commute by ferry).















From there we drove on westwards along the Olympic peninsula to a place called "Hurricane Ridge" in the Olympic National Park. We had to pay a real life Park Ranger to enter the Park, and then followed a winding hairpinned road (past the occasional deer) up to the summit at about 5,000 feet. The top was crowded with nippers skidding around on snowboards, although sledging was not allowed. One man was reminded of this by a Ranger and replied, "It's not for sledging, it's for pulling my inn-fant". We tramped around a bit, took some chilly photos and headed back down. But the views from the top were stunning, even though the weather wasn't the clearest.















Having long arms is useful sometimes- for taking photos!















Onwards from there to Lake Crescent and a quick walk through a forest before arriving back at the water's edge.
I hope you are keeping up with all of this! I will be testing you when I return to England.




Accomodation that night was back on the coast at Port Townsend, a little town full of old Victorian houses and not much else. Our hotel was suitable random, although probably not as chintzy as most in the town. There was however a barking dog, a squeaky bed, and a hotel which had many varied incarnations over the years, most notably as a bordello- each room was named after the young lady who frequented it!

Holiday blog

We stayed at the Ace Hotel which was, as the name sugests, ace. It was a bit like a hip hostel in a cool part of town (Belltown, where the Grunge scene sprang, or rather slithered, up). Here's a reject shot from their catalogue of a post-grunger helping himself to breakfast.
















Fortified by breaksfast, we scooted up the Space Needle. Rosy's new North Face coat came in handy, as it was absolutely freezing at the top.






















After a day back at 29th Avenue, we pick up our hire car and set off for the San Juan Islands, a collection of islands in the Puget Sound. It was a bit mad trying to drive an automatic car on the wrong side of the road- me and Rosy had a practice in the mercifully deserted blocks near the house in our blue Nissan Sentra.

We took the car ferry from Anacortes to Lopez Island.
















Lopez is a small sleepy place with pretty much one road. Everyone who drives past you waves, as they probably know everyone else on the island in February. So it's a real change in the pace of life for us. We drive towards the coast and see bald eagles circling overhead. We go for a walk through a forest...















and spot some seals lying on some rocks. They are very curious about us and keep coming over to take a look. At one point, six of them drift over to say hello. I suppose they don't often see anything as exotic as English people.














Our accomodation is a log cabin...















with an outdoor hot tub. I am not smiling- my face has frozen solid.














We also visited Lime Kiln Point, which in the summer is a great place to see the resident and transiet orca pods (that's groups of killer whales to you and me). A killer whale eats up to 1,500 pounds of salmon a day. That would cost you a fair bit down at Tesco's.














None of them came out to play for us, but we did see another seal (or was it one of the same ones from yesterday?!)

From Lopez, we took the ferry to San Juan, a bigger island. This was our view from a hotel in Friday Harbour. The following day, we took a ferry like this one (or was it the same one?) and headed back to Seattle.

Thursday 23rd Feb

Well, it's been a while. How have you been keeping?

I have been on holiday! YAY! Rosy arrived back on Saturday Feb 11th and since then we have been out and about, making the most of Seattle and Washington State. There's way too much to go into detail about, you will be relieved, but I will list the main things and put some photos up. It might take a few days to catch up though.

So, the first day proper, Sunday, we went down to Pike Street Market, a-browsin' and a-moochin'. Miraculously, Rosy brought some sunshine with her!

I don't really know what this was all about, but it's not often you see a man with a massive hotdog on his head talking to a giant bird.

Or a busking quartet singing spirituals on the street.















Or a big old totem pole near the centre of the city.




















In the evening, we went to see the Seattle Sonics play the Denver Nuggets at the Key Arena, just next to the Space Needle. I think the Nuggets thing must be a reference to gold, not chicken as I originally thought. The game was grrreat! Talk about Razzmatazz, they had it in spades! We had the national anthem before the game. We had 9 mascots battering each other at every interval and doing spectacular slam dunks, led by "Squatch", the yeti-like Seattle mascot.














After all that, there was actually a basketball game. Seattle were always struggling to hold on, and managed to level the game right at the death taking it to overtime. But they were pretty well-beaten after that. The Nuggets had a player who was only 5 foot 5 inches! He was at a bit of a disadvantage against the 7 footers, but he sure was speedy.














We made our way home past a moonlit space needle for a very good meal at the Flying Fish restaurant near our hotel.

Friday Feb 10th

I have bought a boat! It was an impulse buy but I figured that I am probably going to struggle to get all my stuff into my suitcases when the time comes to go back to England, so why not sail home instead? Take in some scenery, maybe see some whales, meet some other sailors, call in at the occasional port for supplies. Sounds grand, huh? I thought the cabin was real cute. All I need now is a crew of Arctic Monkeys, and the job's a good un...















"The Straight Liner"

"Settin' sail for Walkley, Capn' Blackmore..."
"See how the mainsail sets, First Mate Turner!"

Bit more work today and then I found myself drawn into a bookshop. I have done pretty well all week, not setting foot inside a book or record store. Cold turkey. But today I cracked. There were just too many bargains in Barnes and Noble, dammit! I ended up with Douglas Coupland's "All families are psychotic". He's from this neck o' t' woods, and I have liked everything else I have read by him (which is everything up to 2001). It should give me something to do if I am becalmed in the Straight Liner.

If I do find myself drifting towards a scurvy-riddled, frostbitten death, I will still be trying to puzzle out some of the adverts I saw today. The first one is a legal claims thingy to do with some medication.
"If you have been suffering from any of the following, you are entitled to CLAIM!!! Blah Blah Blah company are paying out. RIGHT. NOW!

• kidney problems
• nausea
• skin condition
• etc
• etc
• death"

So let me get this straight. If I have been suffering from death recently, I can phone up and get some money off some roadkill lawyer. Pass me that phone, First Mate Turner!

Another great advert came just after the shocking news that an American athlete (well, a competitor in the "skeleton"!!) has been chucked out of the Winter Olympics because he took a hair-restoring treatment (which can mask the taking of steroids). Straight after that, there was an add for... hair-restoring treatment! I was paying some attention as before too long, I might be in need of some. And if I could buy a big tubful, that would be Christmas presents sorted for the male members of my family! But wait, let's look at the before and after pictures, shall we? They consisted of miserable egg heads (before) and beaming gits with flowing locks (after). Pretty much like this...

Before:

After:

And at the bottom, a small disclaimer- "results may vary"

Are you 'avin' that Dave? I'm 'avin' that Jim!

Thursday Feb 9th

Rosy is coming over on Saturday for two weeks- YAY! We will be seeing the sights of Seattle for the weekend, then maybe heading out of town for a bit, over to the San Juan Islands perhaps, then to the Cascades or Olympic mountains. We might do the Cascade Loop. Or go and see Mount Rainier. As a result, I expect the blogging will change a bit. I will be too busy actually living life to think about it. It will be great to have a proper mate a last! I will carry on posting, probably with more photographs and less chat. I know you are disappointed, but them's the breaks.

Speaking of Olympics, the Torino Winter Olympics are starting. Hope I get a chance to see some of it. I suspect the stations here will only cover events which the States are guaranteed a medal in, but thankfully, that will be a fair few events. I especially want to see the snowboarding, so see what I am aiming at to get into the British team.

I went for a run today. I seem to have lost a bit of my impressive fitness. I was overtaken by a lady pushing her twins in a buggy as she jogged along. There were several of these in fact. I guess it's the new thing- jogging with a buggy (not having twins).

In other news, I cooked "Peppy Asparagus Shrimp-Toss" for tea. It sounds like a competitive sport in Thailand, or an ailment that teenage boys suffer from, but was in fact a very tasty dish.

Wednesday 8th Feb

Spent all day workingon a paper- "IMPLEMENTING AND EVALUATING COLLABORATIVE ELEARNING". Fascinating huh? I could tell you a bit about it if you like... Oh, suit yerself!

Another sunny day. Woohoo! The sunlight here is a bit different to back in Blighty. It seems slightly opaque somehow. The mountains in the distance are a little hazy. But heck, it's sure good to see the sun in the sky! I found out via google that it takes 8 minutes for the light to reach the earth from the sun. So the light that started out from the sun when you started reading this will probably have hit you by the time you finish. And the earth is 93 million miles away (on average). That is about 7 million half marathons. And THAT'S a lot of shoe leather.

I took a break from work to watch "Frasier" (brilliant). I also caught a Christian show where they were a-prayin' and a-healin', live on TV. It went something like this:
Man (eyes closed, frowning): "There's someone out there with a pain... a terrible pain..."
[approximately 93 million viewers sit up and say "Good heavens, he's talking about ME!"]
Man: "... you have a pain in your hip"
[7 million people say "You know, I do have a bit of pain in this hip..."]
Man: ".. your right hip..."
[7 million people say "Oh that one? Err, yes, it IS that one, come to think about it!"]
Man: "I want you to know that Gard... he knows about your pain..."
[7 million people say "Oh yes Lord, it really does hurt sometimes!"]
Man: "and Gard is just going to heal you right now, this very minute..."
[the 7 mill say "Yes Lord, heal me now please! HEAL ME!"]
Man: "and Gard is touching you with his hand... you can feel a warmth in your hip..."
[the 7 mill say "I CAN FEEL IT! Oh my gosh, I CAN REALLY FEEL IT!"
Man: "I want you to know that God has healed you, right here and now!"
[the 7 mill stand up- "I'M HEALED! I AM HEALED!! HALLELUJAH!" and start jigging about in their living rooms]
Man: "We need your donations to continue our ministry to the poor and needy... Here's a testimony from a good Christian in Sacramento... A lady who, in her very darkest hour, realised that the Lord was calling her to increase her giving... she did just that, and then wonderful things started to happen..."
[7 mill people scramble for their phones with credit cards in hand...]

I am actually not making this up. It is really like that. They'd be better off doing a half marathon each on their newly restored hips and giving the money to people who really need it.

Some people have been suggesting that this blog is too long and full of useless ramblings. As if!

In other news, I cooked "pan-seared scallops" for tea.

Tuesday 7th Feb

Spent most of the day working at home. I am wading through the messages our students have posted online, looking for examples of arguments or times when someone has changed their mind- the Eureka moments I suppose. I will then analyse these in a bit more detail to try and figure what is going on. There are some great quotes, but confidentiality forbids me from posting them... although my favourite so far is... no, I really can't. It's more than my job's worth!

Received a letter from my Mum, along with loads of things she had cut out from the weekend paper (after my Dad had finished with it I presume, or esle it would have been like trying to read a cobweb). Mums are great, aren't they? Lots of intersting things including a London school where they have banned putting your hand up if you konw the answer to a question- because it is making kids too competitive and is too unkind on the kids who don't know the answer!

It reminded me that when I was 5 or 6, we used to get a drink of water in these cups made out of a kind of gold material (I don't think they were really gold- this was Newton Primary, not the Firs School!) Anyway, for everydozen or so gold cups there were also these ones in a kind of metallic red! I can remember how desperate we all were to get one of the red cups. I can still see the colour now. r r r e e e e e d d d d d d d d . But it was purely the luck of the draw when the teacher handed them out. You know, looking back, I'm sure I didn't get a fair crack at the whip. Oh, how the eyes of the other kids would burn into your soul with pure envy if you were lucky enough to sup your cupful of water from one of the holy red chalices!!! I wonder whether kids are just naturally competitive like that. I mean, who would have thought it mattered? I wonder which kid was the first to think, "Those cups are rarer and ergo of more value"? Or to put it another way, "GIMME!" It must have happened anew every year, and been the cause of many a dust-up. Of course I was above all that. Although I distinctly remember that the water tasted different from the red cups. Better somehow. Sweeter... S s s s w w w w e e e e e e e e t t t t t e e e e r r r r r r r r r r r . . .

I did pop out in the afternoon to the post office on the Ave to post my Mum's birthday card. I have yet to find a lightweight present for her though. Perhaps they sell red cups in Seattle. There's an idea! What could be finer than a red cup for your birthday? That way, you don't have to rely on chance, you can win. Every single day.

My mate Adam from Sheffield has asked me to give his website a plug- it is for Centralians cricket team. So if any of you fancy a game, or have Australian cousins coming over for the summer who happen to be hotshot cricketers, have a look here. Thankfully the cricket team is a bit better than the football team...

Still getting to know the lodgers. They have been gettingin from their TEFL at 6, then working solidly till past midnight! Tough schedule, nearly as tough as mine! Actually, it has been helping me to concentrate, as I am not allowed to watch "Pop Idol" while people are trying to work in the living room. I would like to know how the "Biggest Losers" are getting on, and how many jeans sizes they have collectively dropped.

Bush is going to fund nuclear power research and development. Not sure how I feel about that really. He is also getting some heat for the phone-tapping thing- he (or his office) have authorized all sorts of phone taps for security measures, but they are on ordinary citizens as far as I can tell. I don't think it is going to be enough to bring him down, unless there are some further revelations, or if the people who have been tapped turn out to be a) really really upset and b) powerful. Funny how Clinton was impeached for what seemed to me a matter of personal morality, and one which (perhaps rightfully) he will pay a heavy price for for the rest of his life, whilst Bush can stomp over many many people's civil liberties and he doesn't get so much as a slapped wrist. I suppose it is partly to do with what captures the public imagination as an immoral act.

My book is entering a crucial phase. There is a cannibal on the loose, and war-crazed Russians are closing in on the Siberian village. It doesn't look good. And that is something of an understatement.

Monday Feb 6th

Today is really sunny. I can't remember the last time I saw the sun, or felt it on me face! It feels like Spring all of a sudden. There are even some crocuses out! Aww...

How about the kerfuffle about those cartoons, eh? It's all getting well out of hand now, but I guess it shows the different world views knocking around. Scratch the surface with something innocuous, (like a cartoon!) and BAM! It all comes out. I was listening to the World Service as I was writing a paper (by rights, if I was in a Graham Greene novel , I should have been wearing a white suit and bashing copy out on a rickety old typewriter in the stifling heat whilst Catholic guilt and local concerns collide in my tortured mind...). Anyway, there was an interview with an ultra-fundamentalist young British Muslim and an older moderate British Muslim. And of course, the young guy was ranting about how anyone who depicts the Prophet M******* (I am not risking a fatwah just for this blog!) should be killed. He justified it by repeating something that M*******'s grandson said about the need to murder Danish cartoonists. The moderate guy kept getting shouted down when he tried to give the voice of reasonable Islam. It wasdepressing, but I remind myself that the Fundies are just a minority, and there are plenty of equally repugnant Christian version knocking about over here. The argument about free speech is kind of interesting. Just ask Google about their new Chinese venture. I suppose the debate there is about whether it's better to be involved with a censorious government or to opt out and protest. Someone else will fill your shoes, although there must be times when enough is enough. I think that Google is probably right. Better to be involved in this case. The debate in the Cartoon issue is surely about how to compromise, how non-Muslims can understand how important the issue is to Muslims and how Muslims can register their disapproval in a productive way. Sermon over.

Having solved that diplomatic incident in a few minutes, I go off to the Mall to get the groceries in. I am amazed by the realization that Americans don't drink squash. In fact I know this because I have asked some of them. They look at me as if I am an alien.
"No, honestly, we buy this really sweet, orange liquid and just pour water into it and there you go- class in a glass."
"Is it fruit juice?"
"No, it's fruit squash. SSSSQQQQQUUUUAAAASSSSSSSHHHHHHHHH."
"We drink juice. Why don't you drink juice."
"Erm..."
"?"
"Well, you can carry a lot of potential drink in a small bottle."
"Hmm. Does it taste like fruit juice?"
"No, not really. It tastes like... squash."

I cause my own minor diplomatic incident by trying to pay for my shopping with a traveller's cheque. The lady at the checkout looks like a Jewish Granny somehow. She gives me this look when I produce my cheque, as if I just spilled coffee on her new shoes. We get through it.

In the evening I make another chocolate brownie- this time it is Pillsbury and yes, there is a big dough boy on the front. That is what I will look like if I am not careful. I watch a bit of "Dr Phil" onTV. A walking talking dough boy! Just look at his revolting website. He is a pretend Psychologist and agony Uncle. Tonight he was helping a young woman (mental age of about 4) who had turned into Bridezilla and fallen out with her Mom about, Oh I don't know, what colour paper hankies to have as serviettes! It was absolutely pathetic. My right foot was twitching with an urge to boot the screen. If only to put her poor emasculated drip of a husband out of his misery. If he's thick enough to marry that sack of neuroses on stillettoes, he will need all of Dr Phil's wisdom and more. Ooh, that was harsh, wasn't it?

If you would like to appear on "Dr Chrisso" (where I will be ably assisted by Dr Roger who will give a second opinion), please email me right away.
"Dr. Chrisso has galvanized millions of people to 'get real.' Find out more about him and his show..."

Sunday Feb 5th- SU-PER-BOWL SUNDAY

SU-PER-BOWL! SU-PER-BOWL!

I go down to "The Ram" to watch the game. Actually, I watch the first half at home with Ann, and the two new "roommates" (that's what they call lodgers here). I met them this morning and they seem OK. I met the guy as I came downstairs...
"Hi, I'm rich!"
"Well there's no need to brag about it!"
"No, my name is Rich."
"Huh, that's rich!" I thought.
His missus is called Becky. They are from Delaware, a little state tucked between New York and Washington DC! They're here for 4 weeks doing a TEFL course. As I got here first, I have bagsied all the space in the fridge and the bathroom. They will have to pay me to put down so much as a Q-tip (cotton bud) or potato chip (crisp).

We leave for the Ram with the score standing at 7-3 to Pittsburgh. It was a close first half, with a few questionable decisions by the officials. That is how it continues in a packed-out Ram. There is a local TV news camera crew stood by us ready for the big celebrations. I chat to the cameraman who's a proper gent. He asks me if I know Nathaniel Pocock, as he used to live next to him in Carolina! I wonder how many people he thinks live in the UK, but I just say that no, it's a small world but not that small in this case.

The Steelers score again- 14-3. Woe is us. The place is subdued. The pom-poms are put down on the tables, and faces emblazoned with a blue and silver seahawk are downcast. Then, as it looks like the Steelers are going to wrap it up, an interception and a 70 yard return. WOOH! EAT MY SHORTS, PITTSBURGH!?!?















Back in the frame at 14-10. Look at the guy in the black T-shirt. He's doing that thing where you stick out your thumb and little finger. And go "Wooh!" There's a whole bunch of "wooh" goin on, trust me.

But eventually the game slips away. There is a period of about 5 minutes where it could go either way, and the smallest of margins makes the difference. I guess this is a bit different to English footy where a team can get battered for 90 minutes and still steal away a draw or a win. American football is a bit more obvious somehow- it's like watching a military battle from atop a hill- and surprises are therefore not as common. I remember when the NFL was popular in England for a year or two, and we tried playing it at breaktimes in the schoolyard with a tennis ball... cue high-pitched voices... "Hup! Hup! Going long... TOUCH-DOOOOOWWWNNNN!" But somehow the sport doesn't fit the British psyche, and we soon reverted to FA rules... cue high-pitched voices... "over 'ere... on me 'ead.. GOOOAAALLLL!"

Pittsburgh won the game with a great play. The geezer who normally chucks the ball gave it to the fella who normally runs dead fast and catches it. And instead, it was this fella who lobbed it right up into the air and into the bit with the coloured grass, called the ENDZONE, where another chap ran into, caught the ball and started doing the funky gibbon. Or the funky chicken (it wasn't clear which). After that, half the fans went "Wooh!" and the other half held their heads in their hands. It's what is known as a TOUCHDOWN! Perhaps I have just found my calling as an epic sports journalist- Norman Mailer, eat yer heart out! So for the Seahawks, it all ends in a rather British-style heroic defeat.

In other news, Liverpool get beaten by (ugh) Chelsea, Sheffield Cents probably got stuffed by some one-legged coal miners, Chester City got beaten 5-0 by Carlisle, and I expect that every team I have ever played for or supported got soundly thrashed, including King's School Chester, Sheffield Uni and Spiderman Fan Club FC (3rd team).

In bed for 11.......Busy day tomorrow........I Hope!

Saturday Feb 4th- day whatever

Up early and off to catch the bus up to Snoqualmie. There's a storm coming in off the ocean to the West, and up at the top, it is snowy, cold and windy. REAL windy. It keeps dropping, but when it blows, the snow is going horizontally, and even uphill! I feel like a proper Arctic explorer at times, getting battered by the icy winds. The snow is quite good though. It is more like little balls of ice than snowflakes (due to the temperature I guess) and this means the snow is drier and the board floats over them more easily- they act a bit like millions of little ball bearings.

Anyhoo, in the afternoon, I meet David and Ben and we go off for a lesson. Some of the runs and lifts are closed due to the weather, making the ones that are still open pretty busy. David teaches us how to do an ollie- and suddenly the terrain becomes not something to carve through, but something to jump over and hop off. I go so far as to attempt a 180- try and turn the board round in the air. I land it, but can't manage to continue the line (that involves riding fakie, which is the other way around to normal). So I invariably end in a heap. This might all sound impressive, until you see what some of the young bucks can do! I also go down the half pipe for a laugh- the walls rise up about 10-15 feet either side into sheet ice, and I don't even try and get airborne. Maybe next time I will learn how to do a roastbeef. I do enjoy a nice beefburger at the end of the day- does that count?



















Have you seen this man?

Back on the Ave,and as I wait for the bus, a nearby public telephone rings to the empty street. Is it for me, I wonder? Is it someone whispering a codeword? Or is it me Mum telling me to go home and have a bath? On the bus, a wino sits down next to me. Sigh.
"That sure is a big load there."
"Yeah, it's a snowboard."
"You goin off to Aye-Rack?"
"No, it's a SNOWBOARD..."
He mumbles various other things to me during the course of the journey, but I am still thinking what it would be like to be setting off for Iraq. To have spent the last month dreaming about sand and car bombings, about mess tents and faceless enemies, about kids in the street and men in combats. Quite a thought really.

Friday Feb 3rd- day 261

Listening to some CDs I bought yesterday- the Shins, the Decemberists (both local bands) and Jamie Lidell (who's a kind of soul-singer cum electronic wiz- saw him in Sheffield recently- dead good).

Do some marking of essays for the Sheffield course. I can access these electronically. I'm not very good at marking. To be honest, I just read the first paragraph and the last paragraph, then I count as the kettle is boiling, and the number I reach when the whistle sounds is the final mark. Job's a good un! And I get a nice cup of tea into the bargain.

Head into town on the bus to look at this place- the Ace Hotel- for when Rosy arrives. It's near downtown in the Belltown area which was somehow made famous by the Grunge scene. It is lashing it down today. The hotel seems tres cool so I book for next weekend. I head back into downtown. The place is awash with Seahawk T-shirts. I am tempted to buy a hat but there aren't any as stylish as my current selection (which are all washed regularly). I realise that my style over here is what Avril Lavigne might call "preppy". I wear a North Face jacket, like everyone else. And New Balance Trainees. Like everyone else. At least I am not yet shopping in J Crew or wearing Abercrombie. Yet.

Visit the Snowboard Connection shop which was massive and full of beautiful things. Maybe there'll be an end of season sale- I could do with a new hat. I think that flaps are the way forward, if you get my drift. Going boarding tomorrow. Which one should I take? Cast your vote in "Hat Idol"...















"BRILLIANT!"
















"Ice COLD!"
















"Vvv vvv vvvv vvvv alright my love?"

















A new addition to the collection. Very fetching I'm sure you'll agree.
















Hello girls... Yes, that's the look I'm after! Sorted.

Thursday Feb 2nd- day 187

"Secret diary of Chris Blackmore, aged 33 and a third"
Where's me coloured pens...?
Got up early and went for a jog in my woolly hat. It's getting really chewy now but Anne refuses to clean it so I decide to go for a shower. After I open every door in the house looking, Ann informs me the house doesn't have a shower and asks why I didnt realise given that I've been here for three weeks. Begin to write some poetry sat on the lav, the poem is actually about me sat on the lav. It's a winner and I wonder why I never thought of the subject matter before. Decide to go upstairs and count my change.....I have $32 and 15 cents mostly in coins. Gonna go to find a penny arcade later, reckon I could double my money if I stay long enough.
Today i'm going to walk only on the right hand side of the road along a route 45 degrees from 6041- see where that takes me!!
Seattle is gearing up for the Superbowl on Sunday and I'm wondering which bar to go to and watch it on me own while bothering the locals and trying to make some friends.
Went to a bookshop and bought some poncy sounding book to make me sound clever but that I'll never read.
I've got some spots. AAAAHHH!!
Met another nutter en route - seem to be attracting a lot of this kind...not sure why? Must wash my woolly hat tonight, its starting to smell a bit!
Arrived at the end of the line at 1500 hrs.....a Macdonalds!! - have a well earned McToilet break and read my new book "Crop Rotation In The 18th Century"- bought it at some gyppo book store for a dime. May plan a thesis on this topic when I get back to sheffield, I'm sure some daft bugger will give me a Tony Grant!!
Missing rosie mac terribly, wonder whether I should send her my new poem by text but decide to send her a message instead.
Went out to a bar for the rest of the evening. No one in that i knew so i nursed a bottle of Coors and wrote some more postcards. Kept clocking some guy at the end of the bar- well he kept clocking me...... he sent me a drink over (which was nice - nice people these Americans!!) I drank it, thanked him and made my goodbyes.
Anne invited some friends from the Tupperware Club over so i had the chance to meet some new friends. I also bought a new butty-box!!
Came home. Went to my bedroom and played with my friend "Roger" for a bit. The more I play with him the bigger he gets. And then he shrinks back down again
In bed for 11.......Busy day tomorrow........I Hope!

The entries above were kindly suggested by Marc, Barry and Bob. Thanks for those kind words fellas. Frightening thing is that I bet most of you read it and didn't realise it wasn't for real. Hmmm... Anyway, the real thing-

Busy day today. I have an 11 am meeting online with bosses Emmy and Digby which we hold via MSN messenger. There's lots to do and I am reminded of the need to get publishing papers. That might help me get another job at ScHARR come July when my contract ends. It's either that or start blogging professionally. Which given that three monkeys (see above) can churn out a passable imitation, might not be the best of career moves.

4 pm, I go to the Ave to meet a postgrad called Riki to talk about research and that. She's interesting, but if there any donkeys with hind legs left in her neighbourhood, I would be surprised. I do a lot of nodding. Like a donkey I suppose.

I go to a bookshop (yes, ALRIGHT!) and wander in to the back of a book reading. It's by the author of a book called "Cosmos and Psyche". "Portentous title", methinks. Turns out he is a researcher into Jungian psychology. Things get a bit weird when he starts talking about how transits are the only accurate way of predicting how someone will react to a halucinogenic experience. Not sure what a "transit" is, but I listen on. He then goes into David Icke overdrive, and I realise that this very intelligent, well-spoken and by all accounts serious researcher is basically a high-falutin' astrologer. I start clocking the audience, and realise I am in a room full of Mystic Megs and Russell Grants. Come friendly bombs and fall on the University Bookstore! He is basically some kind of charlatan, although he obviously believes in what he is saying as he describes the alignments of the planets being identical in 1914 and 1939. Oh, and there is some special alignment that caused the 1960s to be a decade of enlightenment. Hmm, false positives to the left, false positives to the right- I reckon this quack is finding what he is looking for, using Western history as a crutch. I am tempted to step forth and bellow a lusty "BOLLOCKS!" (sorry Mum) as that seems an appropriately English response. Or to convene a hastily arranged alignment between my right foot and his own crystal appendages, but as you know, I'm a lover, not a fighter. Besides, I might get filled in by a horde of angry astrologers. Although when he describes 9-11 as an obvious and inevitable consequence of some particular movements of the celestial bodies ( a Saturn-Pluto alignment, in case you were wondering), I start to find it all a bit sick, and so I vote with my feet. As I walk, I wonder whether the planets could be responsible for me being periodically zitty. If I could work out when it was going to happen, that would actually be quite helpful!

My feet take me to the U village where I meet up with new bezzie mate Joe, and his friends Shannon (from skiing), Rachel and Jenny (English, from the same Uni as him- Bristol). We go for an Italian. They pretend not to notice the spots. Then we go for a beer at the Ram, where I watched the football a while back. It's just like a local back home, apart from the 67 widescreen TVs everywhere and a 40 foot rowing boat suspended from the ceiling. You don't get that in the Walkley Cottage!

In bed for 11.......Busy day tomorrow........I Hope!

Wednesday Feb 1st- day 103

Walk in to Uni listening to the Arctic Monkeys.

"Now then Mardy Bum
I see your frown
And it's like looking down the barrel of a gun."

"Mardy bum" is a Sheffield expression meaning "misery guts". And a great name for a song.

Rosy phones. She is coming for two weeks on Feb 11th, so we have a chat about hotels and stuff. Ann has some other guests arriving on Saturday for a few weeks, a retired couple from Delaware, and it might get a bit crowded round here. Plus me and Rosy will want to see the sites, and get out of Seattle as well. Rosy tells me that the GP practice where she is a registrar (Shirebrook) has been making the news back home due to a political issue about the government giving contracts to run new practices to an American company. Newsnight were there filming on Monday, so it's all been a bit exciting! Unfortunately, Rosy didn't get to meet the redoubtable Jeremy Paxman, but I understand Kirsty Wark gave Tessa Jowell a hard time back in the studio!!

To my surprise, Durr-mont phones.
"Hey Chris, just wanted to give you a heads-up on the software".
"Err, right..."
We eventually make ourselves understood. An email with the code wings its way to me and it's all sorted. It's a perpetual licence and will last for as long as Microsoft rule the earth, which will surely be beyond my time on the planet.

I had a meeting with Barbara at 1 pm. That went fine. I am making slow progress, and now need to start wading through the data and see what happens. She also gives me some good tips on where to go for sightseeing round here.

In the evening, I watch "A day in September" on DVD, a documentary about the events at the Munich Olympics in 1972. The film is directed by Kevin MacDonald, who also directed "Touching the void". It is gripping, by its very nature, and ultimately very depressing- both that people would do such awful things, and that they would be driven to such extremes. I would recommend watching it- I didn't know too much about it myself, particularly not about the German government's apparent complicity in allowing the subsequent hijack of a plane which led to the remaining terrorists being handed over to Palestine. Grim stuff. And to think, all this was happening as I was about to make my entrance into the world.

Roger seems finally to have shrunk back nearly to his original size. I suspect that he won't ever fit back into his packaging, but not to worry. He has taken to sleeping in my ipod cradle.















"So how does it feel to be called 'mardy bum'?"

Tuesday Jan 31st- day 72

Yes, time flies and all that. Another day of working and chin-stroking, punctuated by a trip to the post office and book store. I bought a book about literary style called "The Sound on the page- style and voice in writing". I think it might help me become a Pullitzer Prize winner.

I have been continuing with some of my day job whilst I am over here, and I did some online tutoring today. We have 3 groups of students this term, and there are some interesting dynamics going on. So I am kind of intercedingbetween people who aren't getting on very well. I am still learning the extent to which I should intervene- a certain amount of conflict and energy should be allowed to happen, so long as no-one is getting bullied. So I spend a fair while contacting students and helping them to take on board what other students are saying to them without being too hurt. One of the group are encountering a lot of conflict. This week they have been discussing sexuality, which seems to have drawn the battle lines- it's an emotive subject I guess. And some students are more expressive than others! I feel pretty drained by the whole thing at times- distance learning is NOT an easy option, I can assure you of that.

To relax, I bake a chocolate brownie out of a packet. It is idiot-proof, and so it turns out pretty well. I have something to nobble during "American Idol". Judgin by Simon Cowell's pantomime performances on-screen, it seems as though America's image of the Englishman is one of two things:

1. floppy-haired fop who says "bugger" a lot, drinks tea and is kinda cute in a bumbling way
2. short and rude

I don't fall neatly into either category, and may have to invent a "third way" as is popular these days.
My Microsoft Office finally arrives in the post, but there is no product code. So I have a CD but can't get it to work. I email and phone my mate "Dermont". I have never actually managed to speak to him. He is very diligent about putting a new answerphone message every morning- "Hi, you've reached Der-mont Smith, Wednesday Februerry 1st. I'm either in a meeting or away from my phone right now..." I leave a message. I wonder what he spends the rest of his time doing? I think he might be the new Homer Simpson, scouring the premises of Zones Inc for donuts.




















Bush gives his state of the union address. No-one listens. He surprises me by describing the nation's dependence on imported oil as "a serious problem". He goes on, "The best way to break this addiction is through technology," pledging to seek a 22% increase in funding for clean energy research, including nuclear and renewable energy. Hallelujah! Just hope something comes of it. He soon returns to previous form, saying that the US was going to win in Iraq. I think the truth is that America has already lost, it's just a question of how badly.

To more serious matters, and I have got some spots. They seem to arise in pairs, prompting not only Bruce Forsyth catchphrases but also the question, is there a snake loose aboot this hoose? Or is Ann a vampire? I discount these theories, but I do wonder why I should be spotty. I can remember signing my contract of adolescence when I was 12, and agreeing to be scrupulously uncommunicative, lazy, occasionally surly, gangling, awkward around girls, foolish around boys, greasy and spotty until the age of 18. IT WAS SUPPOSED TO STOP AT THAT POINT! Unless I missed some fine print somewhere, being spotty at the age of 33 was not in the contract. The two zits on my forehead are standing items on the agenda, rearing their ugly heads every once in a while. It might be my hormones, I just don't know. I hope I am spotless for our James and Rosie's big day in Harrogate on March 18th. I know that's a long way off, but I want to be looking my best. I don't want a "special occasion spot" (see photographs of most family celebrations for the painful, swollen evidence).

Oh, and HOW D'YOU LIKE THEM APPLES? I've got a friend!!! Yup, I have been asked to someone's birthday party. I have been checking the rules (which cover social relations from the age of 3 onwards) and under "friend" it says:

1. n. someone who invites you to their birthday party
2. n. someone who you invite to your birthday party

So yes, Joe the English snowboarder has emailed me to say did I want to meet up on Thursday night for food? DID I EVER? Wow. A friend. My spots are timed to perfection to impress my new friend and his friends. "Gee, do all English guys have, like, rilly bad skin?"